This is the 3rd part of my story, Unforgiven. I believe this is at the core of our relationships. Most importantly with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. It is He that makes forgiveness possible. But it’s not just possible, it is essential. Unforgiven – The Final Chapter.
If you haven’t yet, be sure to catch the first two posts of the series with Unforgiven – 31 Years Later and Unforgiven – Life After College. Unforgiven – The Final Chapter takes place 31 years after the unforgivable happened – My (ex) wife and best friend had an affair.
Remembering When…
The picture above is the closest Scott can come, and remember. On a trip that he and his friend took to Canada, one of their adventures was in building a cross. It symbolized their relationship. It was a fairly good-sized cross. They raised it together and planted it to stand on a rocky shore of a lake similar to this picture. The two had now come back to the cross, 31 years later. Let the healing, wholeness, and peace now come!
Let me add here that, before continuing, this story is about forgiveness. The “unforgivable” was Scott’s initial reaction. And if you revisit the last post, you’ll see that this was addressed with the forgivable sins and the one ‘unforgivable’ sin.
Do you know someone that you felt did something that was unforgivable? Well, it’s not!
Moving On But Staying Stuck
After life had changed, Scott moved on and met his most amazing wife, Carmen. His friend moved out of state, moved on, married, and had a son. Scott’s ex-wife too moved on. It’s what you do after a life-changing situation happens. You find the strength to pick up and move on. With God all things are possible.
Fortunately for Scott, God used Carmen to find him. It took time, but she actually brought Scott back around in his relationship with God. This is when you know people are praying for you. Now for Scott, one of his favorite things to ask God for is this – for God to bring people across the paths of those he is praying for. So someone was definitely praying for Scott. In that God brought Carmen across his path. But not without a lot of not-so-good stuff happening before. The kind of stuff you prefer not to talk about – sin.
A New Beginning
But now Scott writes these blog posts! He coaches faith-based business owners. And he also leads a small group through his church, does podcasts about people’s God Stories, and works with his wife in having Kingdom Impact in all they do. But yet like others, he still falls short many times. Can you relate?
The Final Chapter – How It All Came About
Without going into all the detail of how it did come about, just before Christmas, Scott received a 5-page hand-written letter from his ex-best friend. What was it about? He was asking for Scott’s forgiveness. It was a very sincere letter of wanting to, somehow, fix things. But most of all, he wanted to be forgiven.
So for 31 years, his friend stated that he couldn’t just forget about it. Scott thought he had. Scott even thought all must be okay as everyone must have moved on. Not even a peep about this has been brought up by anyone after 31 years.
You’ve sinned, right? Well, Scott too. Until it’s made right, it is impossible to truly move on. But for 31 years? Does time alone really heal things? Maybe it feels like it but only because time makes it feel so long ago. But all time did was lessen the sting.
Matthew 5:23-24 MSG
“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.
THE LETTERS… from Scott’s friend
There is much to be learned from this story along with the follow-up letters between Scott and his friend. The initial letter from the friend was five pages of very sincere words. Some of it was explanations and thoughts and some of it was of feelings and sorrow. But mainly it was telling Scott about the hurt and pain he knew he had caused, and asking for Scott’s forgiveness. And how he would fix things if he could.
Scott, after contemplating his response, then wrote back. It was a letter letting his friend know that he was forgiven. His friend then followed up with this…
“Staying Away?”
“You said you were surprised I would ask for your forgiveness after 31 years. Truly, up to this point, the only way I believed I could or should show my sincerity (in being sorry) was to stay away and leave you alone. And that largely went for most everyone ‘back home.’ But considering just how significant, serious, and public (or how well-known) the harm done was, there was something left undone from me to you in not telling you just as directly that I am sorry, and letting so much time go by. I was believing the right-best thing to do was to remove myself. I have hoped you to have no question of my sincerity.”
The Holy Spirit At Work
“In this past year, I have not been through a single talk (message at church) without thinking of you and feeling a clear burden of significant things being left undone. Numerous times my wife and I have stayed in our seats long after the Sunday morning service was over and we would just talk, and this issue has been one of the things we talk about.”
Being Sick and Left With Scars
“We have had tears as we’ve talked, and our talks have been mixed with hope and desire for forgiveness and reconciliation, and peace, among other things. Maybe just that one thing was left undone. I sometimes feel a sense of still being in recovery, like I was very sick for
a long time. I believe I was and I think I feel the scars.”
Needing Forgiveness
“Maybe just this one thing, being able to say to you after all these years, is that I am sorry and I have wanted your forgiveness.”
And by the way, anyone who feels this is inappropriate knows this as already stated last week. That my friend has given me permission to post every word in our own personal letters between us as a part of the story. He and I both hope others can grow and learn from this. No one is better than the other. We all have much to learn and grow through.
So in this final chapter of Unforgiven, I believe God is bringing it all together. Even after 31 years. God is amazing. How hard these situations are to anyone involved. The fears, the concerns. The amount of faith it takes to trust God and His word in bringing resolution to this situation, to any situation is tough. To step out in faith, with all the different directions things could go, feels risky. And what others will think, of me, of my friend, and of our story.
Trust the urging of the Holy Spirit in your own situations. It doesn’t matter how small or how big it seems. I truly believe Holy Spirit is moving in a way through me that could not or would not be possible on my own on bringing resolution.
I’m sure the devil is seething about this!
Wrapping It Up
I trust this is the case in my friend’s life and others who may have been directly affected. I trust it is true in my own life.
Ever feel like not addressing it would just eventually make it go away? My friend did. I am sure I have. I am sure we have all thought or hoped that at one time or another.
Don’t leave your issue of unforgiveness undone. As my friend knows and has experienced along with others, it will make you “feel sick and leave scars.”
If you feel moved to tears or otherwise, that is the Holy Spirit moving you to action as hard as it might be. He is loving on you.
Thank you to my friend for allowing me to share my thoughts about the last 31 years. It truly has gotten easier over the years though I did dwell on it from time to time. But it feels so freeing, a great weight lifted, in my friend connecting and putting his heart out there. He made himself very vulnerable.
I can’t say all situations, at least without prayer and God preparing hearts, will all turn out to be a happy, great resolution. But if you trust God with it, He will water those seeds and somewhere down the road, they will produce fruit. Trust God with that.
His Grace is amazing…
Challenge of the Week
Trust God with your unforgiveness. Trust Him with those unforgiven. And trust Him with your heart and in what you need to do. And don’t give attention to what others say, think, or do. Stay focused on what you and your brother or sister need to do to resolve the forgiveness needed. God will honor that – His grace is amazing. So be it!
Having known and been friends with you and all involved in this blog during college, and having known the situation all these years, I can’t tell you how much this warms my heart as your Brother in Christ. I haven’t prayed for you a lot, but over the years when I would be reminded of all of you and your situation I would lift up a prayer asking the Lord to bring reconciliation. I’m so glad He has finally brought that about.
Amen Dirk. Thanks for your prayers over the years.
CRYING! Hugs
Thanks for the comment and hugs. I hope all is well with you.