I get frustrated when I’m flying down the road and start to change lanes. And then all of a sudden someone flies up on me out of nowhere and I dodge quickly back into my lane to avoid an accident. The speed, the timing, and the angle, all come together just at the right moment. The person in the car from nowhere then lays on their horn shouting what an idiot I am for not being more aware and that I need to get a clue. Turns out they were in my blind spot.
Blind Spot (noun):
- an area where a person’s view is obstructed – “the angle of the rearview mirror, side mirrors, and personal vision angles, created a blind spot of the oncoming car.”
- an area in which a person lacks understanding or impartiality. “Ed had a blind spot where these ethical issues were concerned”
It’s hard to admit those blind spots. It’s embarrassing to be honked at as we sheepishly say, “I’m sorry,” under our breath. In most cases, we want to blame someone else. After all, we want to be recognized for how good we are as a:
- Driver
- Husband or wife
- co-worker or employee
- Mom or Dad
- Business Owner
- Christian with strong core values
As humans, we seem to have this desire or need to be recognized as good. And if light is shed in any other way, it is someone else’s fault. Or maybe we don’t even give credit to where credit is due because that takes recognition away from us. Either way, it is embarrassing to be seen as someone with a blind spot.
Blind Spots = Strongholds
Strongholds are conflicts, stances, and ideas opposed to God’s intentions. These mental patterns are based on what we know and believe and they inevitably shape our actions. The Bible uses the term to describe harmful thought patterns, arrogant attitudes, or messages from the outside world that have left a lasting impression on Christians’ minds and hearts.
A stronghold is almost always seen by others first. A stronghold in most cases is indeed a blind spot. So how do you approach someone who has a blind spot?
Helping Someone to See Their Blind Spot
First, this takes patience. Denial is imminent and being called out is embarrassing and can create a wall. It takes time for someone to accept and requires a lot of energy to change. When they are ready, it will happen and God will bring the right person across their path.
Second, pray. Be praying for God to orchestrate this. The change agent (someone coming across their path), and the change.
Third, be humble. Your job is not to throw fuel on the fire, but to gently stoke the flames that have already been lit and are recognized.
Another sense of humility is recognizing the log in your eye before pointing out the speck in your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:3 NASB
3 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
In my coaching business, I’ve always liked the idea of “shared experiences” instead of someone’s view or opinions of the situation.
Remember, sharing is caring. Telling can be seen as arrogant and condemning.
Fourth, offer Challenges with baby steps. As trust is being built and the opportunity presents itself, offer challenges to the individual. Use simple challenges and do it in small situations that will have little fallout. In other words, don’t call someone out in a crowd or situation with high vulnerability, especially if exposure is likely.
Patience
I remember when my best friend and (ex) wife had an affair. I was ready to have everyone and anyone associated hung at the very moment I found out. After great patient work my mentor helped me work through the grieving stages. He was being very patient.
Pray
My mentor is a prayer warrior and knows what it means to spend time with God. He was certainly doing this on my behalf, often.
Be Humble
In working through this, he helped me see other similar situations and was very humble in his approach.
Now that trust, humility, and patience had worked their part, my mentor made the challenge. “Scott, ” he said, “Who is your mistress?” At first, I was offended. How could he ask such a question? I’m the one who has been sinned against here. Who me? A mistress? “Humpff (scoff)!”
My mentor continued. “Has not your work and ministry become your mistress?” Awe, there was the blind spot. My stronghold. It was about being valued and recognized by going out to save the world, all the while leaving little to no time for my family. “After all, I was doing the work of God.”
My mentor was teaching me a valuable lesson here that would last a lifetime. It wasn’t about who was right and who was wrong, but that I would recognize the stronghold. In doing so, I could overcome that mindset and not allow it to control me or ruin relationships in the future.
Did I change overnight? Absolutely not. I dare say I still struggle a bit with it. But now I am aware of the stronghold and its damaging effects. It’s time for a new way…
Challenge of the Week
This is a major challenge. Go ask the people (not just one person) whom you are closest to this question, “What is something that I seem blind to?” Another way to ask this is, “What is a stronghold you see in my life that holds me back from being close(r) to God?” Pray and be ready to hear tough love and to receive it. Jesus is the waymaker. So be it.
