Carmen and I have close friends who just had a baby. Their little baby boy was born at 2 lbs 10 oz. with a hole in his heart. He needed to be fixed. Praise the Lord that after 87 days he finally got to go home, and with a whole heart! What about others who have a hole in their heart? This is a follow-up to What Is Love.
Going all the way back, right after the fall of mankind to sin, you were born with a hole in your heart. I don’t think I can fathom all of the ways people, over the years, have attempted to fill that hole, that emptiness.
What The Hole in The Heart Represents
What the hole in the heart actually is, is a dead spirit man. Since we are born into sin (a sinful nature), our spirit man, that inner man of the heart, is actually dead.
“There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person…”
Blaise Pascal
The dead part of us leaves a hole in our hearts. A God-shaped vacuum. An emptiness that God longs to fill for us.
I John 4:8 NIV
…God is love.
That longing to be loved leaves us feeling empty. That emptiness can ONLY be filled with God’s love, by God Himself. When we don’t allow God to fill that hole, we seek temporary “things” to fill that emptiness.
Messed Up Love
When it isn’t God that fills the hole in a person’s heart, they will try to fill it with love that is messed up. According to Steven Arterburn, there are three types of “love addictions” people use to try and fill their emptiness. And they are all three messed up. They are:
- Relationships
- Romance
- Sex
Now all three of these addictive ‘loves’ sounds like parts of a healthy relationship. But what happens is that when these things are NOT centered on God, on a Biblical foundation, they become unhealthy.
Steven Arterburn’s Addicted To “Love“
For example, someone who seeks out relationships (who are addicted to relationships) does this to fulfill themselves. They get into a relationship in order to get others to meet their unhealthy needs. In order to make it work they become controlling, and manipulative, and tend to trap others in the relationship. This can pertain to both men and women.
Those who are addicted to romance engross themselves in romance novels and unrealistic relationships. They begin to develop an unhealthy view of romance and relationships in general. They begin believing that they will find that Knight in Shinning Armor that will come along and sweep them off their feet and solve all their problems and take their sorrow away. Yikes. Good luck with that one. This will pertain more to women.
Then there is the addiction to sex. You guessed it. This will pertain more to men than women. In any of these, there are always exceptions. But with this one, most will confuse love with sex. You can love someone and “make love” as an extension of love, but just because you have sex doesn’t mean it was love. Like most addictions, a man can get a high from having sex, and then be good for a while. But then that “trigger” (which can be various things from a gal in a tight sweater to the way someone looks at them) sets the addiction in motion again. And they will go to various and great measures to feel ‘fulfilled’ again.
Sadness
The sadness of it all is when these attempts to fill that emptiness through messed up love doesn’t work, then it turns into other addictions. This is what people do to make the pain go away in unfulfilled and addictive relationships.
When messed up relationships don’t work out, when sex leaves one feeling empty, and when the romance of romance novels doesn’t pan out, that emptiness begins to feel painful.
Emptiness
So, people turn to temporary ‘fixes’ to deaden the pain of an unfulfilled relationship. Drugs, alcohol, food, money, gaming, working out, and you name it, a plethora of other activities become addictions…and more. This is made to make you feel good about yourself but will never fill the hole in your heart.
For now, I think you get the point. All of any addiction is only covering the hole with a band-aid. The band-aid will never fix it. It will only temporarily cover the pain. And relationships, on their own, will never fill that hole in one’s heart.
Do you think it is a coincidence that addiction programs refer to a higher power, and in the best cases, refer specifically to God the Father and His son Jesus Christ? It’s a lot of work to remap someone’s brain that has had addictions, whether to relationships, drugs and/or alcohol…and more. That’s because your brain has been programmed with a messed up love. Love that has not been founded or filled by God alone.
Check out this song by Unspoken, The Cure…
Only through the love of God, through His son Jesus Christ, and by inviting Jesus into your heart, can that hole in your heart be filled. Only then can your heart be made whole. So when you see a relationship fail, let me be clear. It WAS NOT love that failed. It was people who had a messed up view of love who failed.
I Corinthians 13:8a NIV
Love never fails.
Challenge of the Week
Check out your love health meter. It’s hard for people to see Christ in you if you don’t love your neighbor as you do yourself. For God’s Word says “You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no wrong to a neighbor [it never hurts anyone]. Therefore [unselfish] love is the fulfillment of the Law. Is your love a mess, or is it healthy and based on the word of God? So be it!
