What a blessing Father’s Day is for those of us who are fathers. And what a blessing my kids are to me! Well, not exactly “kids” anymore. They will all be 26, 31, 33, and 35 this year. As we have all just celebrated Father’s Day, I want to share something from my heart. A word of encouragement from a letter I wrote to my kids. The confessions of an imperfect dad.
Falling Short
I love talking about my children. Not necessarily about parenting in general, but specifically about my own journey. The lessons I’ve learned, the regrets I carry, and the grace God has poured into my family despite my imperfections.
You see, from the very beginning, I always wanted to be a really good father. But like many parents, I’ve made my share of mistakes. Bad choices, missed moments, words I wish I could take back. And though my intentions were often good, I’m sure there were many times I left my children sad or disappointed.
We live in a fallen world. That makes you and me flawed. And that means we fall short. More often than we’d like to admit.
My Mistress
One of my biggest regrets from the earliest days of fatherhood, I had a mistress. This took a lot of my time to maintain, so I missed out on a lot of things about my oldest (Michael) in the early years because of the time I spent with my mistress.
I know, this is quite the confession to you and many others, but it’s true. My mistress?
“Not another woman…but shockingly it was my ministry.”
I poured so much time and energy into my work as a missionary to lost teenagers that I missed many moments with my oldest son, Michael. I was out trying to save the world, while my only child at the time was missing out on having his dad fully present.
Then God, in His grace, brought a mentor into my life. You’ve seen my mentions of him often in my writings – Dr. Keith Gaddis. He lovingly called out the mistress I didn’t even realize I had. Keith taught me what it meant to be a man of God at home and not just in ministry. I remember him saying, “Some men are big shots in the community, earning all the accolades, while their families quietly fall apart at home.” That hit me hard. And it needed to.
Romans 8:16
“The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.”
Lessons Continued
Nine years later, my second child, Elias, was born. I carried with me the lessons I had learned, trying to do a little better. But even then, my drive to “provide” often kept me away. I was always chasing success, believing it would someday bless my kids. Yet I was still sacrificing time with them in the present.
Then God blessed me again, after my first marriage failed, with my amazing wife Carmen. And this came with a bonus of two more children, Lexi and Sebastian. They were 9 and 11 when they entered my life, and have been such a gift ever since. But even having our own business together, I often let my ambitions steal precious moments from them, too.
Looking back, I still struggle with the memories of what I missed. But despite my shortcomings, selfishness, and distractions, God’s grace has covered my family. My children have grown into remarkable young adults. Far more than I deserve. I won’t go on bragging (because that would take hundreds of pages 😊), but I love them more than words can say.
A Letter to My Kids
For more than a year, something tugged at my heart. I knew what I needed to do, but kept putting it off. Until I finally sat down one day and wrote each of my kids a letter. And yes, an old-fashioned hand-written letter. And not long letters. They were just a page or two each. But they are among the most important words I’ve ever written.
In each letter, I told them how much I loved them. No strings attached. I wanted them to know how proud I am of their unique gifts, strengths, and who God has created them to be. But I also needed to ask for their forgiveness. For all those times I fell short. I owned my failures. No excuses. No “buts.” No explanations. Confessions Of An Imperfect Dad…
“No strings attached.“
I don’t know if my kids still have those letters (I’m pretty sure they do), but I do. What I know for sure is that, today, they have my back. And they have my wife’s back. And we have theirs. Always.
Psalm 127:3
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.”
Challenge of the Week
Write a letter to your kids. Or to someone you love deeply. A letter with no strings attached. No excuses. Just love, honesty, and gratitude. You may not be able to do it without tears. Tears of joy, regret, and deep love, but that’s okay. That is part of the gift. Confessions Of An Imperfect Dad – So be it.
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