Somewhere along the way, I realized something unsettling. I wasn’t failing.
I wasn’t off track. I wasn’t even disobedient. I was just tired of not really living. I want to live.
My Thoughts – But First
My mentor is a youthful 79 years old. It was just reported to him that he has cancer. A few months later, the new report is that he has another 30 years left in him…109 years old? Now that’s living – another 30 years to live, and even more fully than he ever imagined as he exemplifies ‘BEING’ with God and allows his output to flow from that.
I can’t imagine what God can accomplish through someone who has this kind of great insight. Thank you, Lord, for my mentor!
I, too, want to live. My mindset is 120 – no matter the reports, statistics, or anything else. Will I? I don’t know, but with that mindset, I set forth to allow God to work through me in ways that were unimaginable in the first half of my life. I want to live….so here I go!
Living
Living. I’m not thinking about living in a dramatic way. And definitely not in a crisis kind of way.
My days were productive. Responsibilities were met. Boxes were checked. And still, something in me kept whispering: I want to live.
I want to accomplish more, but I know it’s not about accomplishing more. It’s not about fixing everything or pushing harder. I simply want to, well…live.
When Survival Masquerades as Faithfulness
I think many of us confuse survival with faithfulness. Faithfulness means we endure and push through, right? We tell ourselves, “This is just a season.”
But seasons have a way of turning into years if we’re not paying attention.
We keep moving, keep serving, keep producing. And then one day, we realize we’ve been rushing past the life God intended, calling it obedience.
Remember the movie Click, with Adam Sandler? Before we know it, we’ve survived, but life is over.
But Jesus never invited us to merely survive. He said He came to give life. Not a life managed well. And not a life optimized for output.
He came to give us a life that is abundant.
And abundance, I’m learning, has far more to do with presence than it does with pace or accumulation.
The Subtle Thieves of Life
Life doesn’t usually disappear all at once.
It’s chipped away quietly, by:
- hurriedness that feels responsible
- expectations we never agreed to but still carry
- saying yes too often and listening too little
- confusing productivity with purpose.
- living for God without staying or being with Him.
None of these things are evil. Most of them are even good. But unchecked, they slowly mute the very life God is offering.
What the Last Season Has Been Teaching Me
This past season was a season of grief, waiting, uncertainty, and quiet adjustments. But through it, it has been gently exposing what actually sustains life. I know this is sounding repetitive to some, but as a reminder to myself, it is not about clarity, control, or certainty, but it’s about intimacy.
I’ve learned again that influence without intimacy feels hollow.
That vision without alignment, without goals, feels heavy.
Those goals without formation, without checks, feel exhausting.
A life that looks full on the outside can still be empty or limited on the inside.
So I’ve stopped asking only, “What am I doing with my life?”
And started asking, “Am I actually inhabiting it?” In other words, “Am I living it?”
Living Begins from the Inside Out
Living the way God intends doesn’t start with a new plan. It starts with a quieter posture. By staying near instead of running ahead. With listening before deciding.
It begins when we allow God to shape who we are becoming, not just what we are producing. It begins when vision comes from the inside out, when practices protect what matters most, and when we finally release what no longer fits the life we’re being invited into.
Living begins when we stop striving to earn what God wants to freely give.
A Different Kind of Declaration
So as I stand in this season, no longer rushing into the next thing, no longer measuring my life only by what gets done, I find myself making a quiet declaration.
I’m not making a resolution. Nor am I making a vow. I am just making a confession, I confess that I want to live.
I want to live…
- awake to God’s presence.
- attentive to the people in front of me
- with margins that allow joy, grief, rest, and wonder to coexist
- at a pace where my soul can keep up with my schedule
- the kind of life Jesus described that is rooted, present, and whole
An Invitation, Not an Instruction
This isn’t a post about doing more.
It’s an invitation to stop pretending that exhaustion is holiness and hurry is faithfulness.
It’s permission to ask:
- What have I been carrying that God never asked me to?
- Where have I been surviving instead of living?
- What would it look like to receive life instead of managing it?
Because maybe the most faithful thing you can say in this season isn’t “I’ll try harder.”
Maybe it’s simply:
I want to live!
And maybe, just maybe, that desire itself is already God at work.
Challenge of the Week: Practice the Exhale
Sometime this week, choose one ordinary moment and refuse to rush it. It might be:
- Sitting quietly with your morning coffee
- Taking a short walk without your phone
- Pausing in your car before going inside
- Sitting with God with no agenda, no list, no plan
When you notice the urge to move on, fix, optimize, or hurry, do this instead:
- Take a slow breath in
- Let it out fully
- Whisper (or think): “I want to live.”
Stay there for two more minutes than feels productive. That’s it.
No outcome required.
No insight demanded.
Just presence.
Living begins when we allow ourselves to inhabit a moment instead of rushing past it. So be it.
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