Have you ever been in a season of life where you thought you were hiding from God? Not that you really can. But that was me. I just kept Him at a distance in a way where I could just do my own thing, hoping He, or anyone else, wouldn’t notice. Well, for me, that’s when God broke in.
This is when you fill life up. There are seasons when life becomes so full that you stop noticing what’s missing.
Busy building, working, raising kids, and trying to keep all the plates spinning. Looking back now, that’s exactly where Carmen and I found ourselves.
We had built a good life with our little blended family. We had a growing business. A house full of activity and responsibility. And from the outside, everything looked good, even successful.
Inside, though, something sacred had quietly slipped into the background. God wasn’t unwelcome. He simply wasn’t part of the conversations. We believed in Him the way people believe in electricity – you know it’s there, but you don’t think about it much unless the lights go out.
At the time, I thought we were doing fine. Looking back now, I realize God was planting seeds neither of us could see.
Revelation 3:20 NIV
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.
The Quiet Emptiness
Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Have you ever had a season where life felt full… but not fulfilled? Where the calendar was packed. The responsibilities were endless. And there were even accomplishments that were happening.
And yet something inside felt strangely empty?
That’s where we were. I think even more so, that’s where I was. I had learned to live with that feeling. And I buried it beneath work, family responsibilities, and old disappointments from ministry. Carmen carried her own version of it. We didn’t talk about it much because we didn’t know how to name it.
But God knew.
And while we were busy building our lives, He was quietly preparing our hearts.
The Night Everything Changed
The moment that changed everything didn’t happen in a church. It happened at a pub.
A girls’ night out.
Two friends sitting in oversized chairs, sharing appetizers and conversation. Then, in the middle of an ordinary evening, Carmen’s friend Eleanor asked five simple words:
“Do you want to do this?”
No sermon. No pressure. And no dramatic presentation. Just a question. And somehow Carmen knew exactly what she meant.
“Yes.”
That night, sitting in a busy restaurant, Carmen gave her life to Christ.
At that moment, Carmen finally understood something she had been missing her entire life:
God’s love wasn’t something she had to earn. It was already hers.
Ezekiel 36:26
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
The Part I’m Not Proud Of
When Carmen finally told me what had happened, I smiled. I hugged her. I told her I was happy for her. And part of me genuinely was.
But another part of me was unraveling. Because while she was talking about freedom…I was wrestling with bitterness.
While she was talking about God’s presence…I was feeling left behind.
I had spent years in ministry. Years preaching. Years teaching. And years helping others find God.
And now my wife was telling me that someone else had led her to Jesus.
The truth? I felt jealous. I felt wounded. And I felt like a failure. And underneath all of that was something I didn’t want to admit:
Carmen now had something I didn’t. She was experiencing the presence of God while I was standing at a distance watching it happen.
Psalm 51:6 NIV
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
What God Was Doing Underneath
Philippians 1:6
…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.At the time, I thought God was working in Carmen’s life. Looking back now, I can see He was working in mine too. I just didn’t like the way He was doing it.
God wasn’t trying to shame me or expose me. He was trying to reach me. The change I saw in Carmen became a mirror. It showed me how far I had drifted. How long I had been carrying old wounds. How much of my heart was still closed off.
The irony is that I thought God had come after Carmen. What I didn’t realize was that He was using Carmen to come after me.
When God Broke In
The breakthrough happened soon after that, when Carmen returned from her first mission trip. And yes, Eleanor had invited her on that trip. Upon her return, when I picked her up at the airport, and we embraced, I could tell something had really changed.
This is where God was finally able to break through to me. Through Carmen and her raw, open heart to God, God was able to use it to break through to me.
A Simple Invitation
Hebrews 3:15
As has just been said:
“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.”
Maybe you’ve experienced something similar. Maybe you’ve watched someone else grow spiritually while you felt stuck. And maybe you’ve seen God move in someone else’s life and wondered why it wasn’t happening in yours.
Maybe you’ve quietly carried old disappointments, old wounds, or old hurts that have kept God at a safe distance. If so, you’re not alone.
I’ve been there. And what I’ve learned is this:
God often begins breaking into our story through people we love. He doesn’t do this to leave us behind, but to invite us to move forward.
It’s the great love that He has to pursue us…
Challenge of the Week
This week, ask yourself: Where have I become comfortable with a “good life” while quietly neglecting the deeper life God wants for me? Then ask God one honest question: “Lord, is there anything You are trying to show me through the people around me?” Because sometimes the first sign that God is moving…isn’t what He’s doing in us. It’s what He’s doing in someone we love. So be it.
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.Thank you for reading. This is a part of a series. Here are the previous posts:
- #1 – When Love Found Me
- #2 – Before Love Found Me
- #3 – Love Finds A Way
- #4 – God at a Distance
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